Bearing the TruthSanaki's galdr of release fails to have any effect on the medallion. Without words, the song has reduced power and therefore is not able to awaken the goddess. Sanaki, who is supposed to be the voice of the goddess Ashera, could not perform what she theoretically should have been able to. She had growing doubts about being the true apostle as each year passed without hearing Ashera's voice, but not being able to sing the galdr properly was a blow in the face. Upon further confrontation with Lekain, he informs her that she had been living a lie that the senate created. She was actually her parents' second daughter and therefore her elder sister was the true apostle. The senate placed her on the throne after her sister was assassinated along with her grandmother by the herons. Sanaki still refuses to believe him, especially because she knows the heron tribe had nothing to do with her grandmother's assassination, but she couldn't ignore the fact that Micaiah could sing the galdr when she could not.
Putting the story aside for a moment, the idea of not actually being the apostle is very troubling to Sanaki. She is extremely bothered and obviously struggles with various thoughts in her head. Had she actually been living a lie? If so, who was she, really? Even though she had no idea she wasn't actually the apostle, was she still deceiving her people? What would the people think if they found out what the senators were saying was the truth? Half of them pledged allegiance to her during the split between her and the senate. She betrayed their trust. They all put their faith in her and showered her with their loyalty and respect. Sanaki believes that the only reason the people of Begnion love her is because of her status as the apostle. She doesn't think anyone is loyal to her because she is herself. Sanaki voices her worry in a conversation with Naesala, in which she expresses that the people probably only overthrew the senate because she was the apostle. If she was not the apostle, she would lose everything. She loved her people, her companions Sigrun and Tanith, and the person that she most deeply trusted, Sephiran. The only reason she feels connected to them, however, is because of her title.
Sanaki seems to feel as if she does not have her own identity. She's clung to the title of the apostle and only felt deserving of everyone's adoration and allegiance because she was the voice of the goddess. Begnion places so much importance on the office of the apostle because they are afraid to lose their way and thus the goddess' graces. This strong tradition has been a huge weight on Sanaki's shoulders. She is aware that the people are a mess without the apostle. There was strife and fear throughout the great empire after her grandmother was assassinated. It is said that there was a "great sigh of relief" within the country after her coronation. It would only be expected for Sanaki to believe that the people are so happy to have her because they think she is the apostle. They were all relieved when she was appointed even though she was a small girl who was barely visible and tripped multiple times out of nervousness. She hadn't done anything great that deserved the people's affection. How could they like her for her if all the senate had to do was tell the people that she was the apostle before they claimed absolute loyalty to her? The people didn't love "Sanaki." The people loved "the apostle."
As a result of her internal discord, Sanaki's will and strength falters. When members of the senate accuse her of being a fraud and having no real importance as a result, Sanaki can barely speak anything in return. Their words were like knives in her heart. She couldn't run from the truth anymore because deep down, she knew that she was never actually the apostle. The evidence and proof only continued to stack up against her as time marched forth. And to make things worse, the famed Maiden of Dawn, Micaiah, could do what she could not...